whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
