Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
