you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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