Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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