im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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