hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
