About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Randomize
