I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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