I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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