from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
