I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
