Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
