Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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