I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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