do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
