remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
