Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
