U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize