Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
