using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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