for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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