he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
