Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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