I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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