trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
