I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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