Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
