I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
