apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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