Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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