I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
