i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
