and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
