this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
