My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
