I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
