So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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