Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
