i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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