why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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