One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
