oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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