i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
