I have demons in me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
