Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
