just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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