he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
