I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
