i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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