dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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