I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
