There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
