the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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