did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
