LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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