Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
