areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
