i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My cat gives me a boner
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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