the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
