i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
