I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
