i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
