He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
