Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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