I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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