So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it glows. i had to have it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
