Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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