I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
