absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
