I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
