Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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