Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
