I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize