he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
