Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
what day is it and did you see me today?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
