Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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