what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
